Porn To Be Wild

I should’ve been a porn film producer.  I’ve got a friend over the hill in Van Nuys who’s made millions producing these pieces of shit.  It’s gotta be the easiest job in the world.  See, I’d approach porn films like they were any other film. But that’s just me; I’m a perfectionist. 

And what do you need for any great film?  A title, that’s what!  All the other crap gets filled in later by hacks and assistants, but you, the producer, need to come up with the title and concept.  Actually, if you have a strong title you don’t really need a concept.  I guess if you really had to do a concept for your porn film you could do something like… “Mothers Against Drunk Drivers,” where a group of mothers pull over drunk drivers and screw their brains out so they won’t crash into people.  There, there’s your concept.

But with porn all the work is already done for you.  All you gotta do is take a major Hollywood movie and do a knock off.  That way you don’t even have to pitch it.  Here’s what I mean….

The Terminator = The Sperminator. 

Men in Black = Men In Drag. 

Get it?  Here’s some more.  You could also do…

Blowing Private Ryan

Dr. Strangefuck

Armahardon

LA Cockidential

Blown In 60 Seconds

Animal Whore House

Dickfinger

Forest Lump

Anal Passage to India

The Bare Bitch Project

Return of The Body Sntaches

Screamer

Full Metal Condom

Jeremiah Jimmy-Johnson

The Boner Collector

I Know Who You Did Last Summer, or … 

I Know What You Did Last Summer 
Because It Took Two Weeks For My Ass To Heal

Fantasia 2000 = Orgasma 2000

Shanghai Noon = Vagina Moon

SeXmen

2001 A Space Orgy

Where’s Waldo, I’m Horny

Little Big Dick

Sex Toy Story

Sex Toy Story 2

Charlie The Lonesome Penis

XXX Files

Enchanting April Unbound

Howard’s Rear End

Shakespeare In Bed

Lawrence of West Hollywood

Prophylactic Park

White Men Can’t Hump

You know, I think I got something here.  I’m gonna call my friend and talk a little business.  I’ll let you know how it goes.